Love Connects

By: Ted Harro

If you ask people what has been most difficult about the pandemic, many will tell you about how isolated they feel – especially from those they love. One of my friends lost his elderly mother around Christmas. The fact that he had only been able to visit her once in person over the previous nine months compounded his grief. 

Never in our worst dreams did we think that millions of people would resort to FaceTime or waving through a plate glass window during the last days and moments of their lives. 

Love Longs To Connect

That’s love. It longs to connect. It goes to great lengths to connect. It moves toward the object of its love. 

Attachment experts have noticed this pattern in all bonding mammals. Connection creates a safe place from which to face challenges. Disconnection makes our brains freak out. 

But we’re more than simply bonding mammals. We’re image-bearers, people who have the family likeness of God. And in God’s circle, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are constantly connecting. Self-giving love has been at the center of the universe since Day One.

Jesus Shows Us How To Connect

Jesus showed us how connection works many times in his life on earth. In one of my favorite stories, he is walking through a crowd and a woman with a chronic disease secretly touches the hem of his robe. She had probably seen him heal many people in her village over the previous days. She hopes that the power obviously flowing through him might rub off on her and cure her as well. 

You probably know what happens next. She is healed, but Jesus senses that power has flowed from him to someone and stops. Terrified because she thinks she is busted, she spills her story to Jesus in front of the crowd. She expects Jesus to be irritated that she took power without asking. 

She doesn’t know Jesus very well. He looks at her gently and says, “Daughter, go in peace. Your faith has made you well.”

Don’t miss this. Instead of stopping to condemn, Jesus stops to connect.

That’s classic Jesus. 

He notices. 

He stops. 

He seeks. 

He listens. 

He connects. 

He gives. 

How We Can Connect Like Jesus

What if we learned to love each other like Jesus? What would happen in your marriage if you noticed? If you stopped? If you sought? If you listened? If you connected? If you gave?

Turning Toward Your Spouse: A visual guide

The Therapist often talks about the act of connecting as turning toward your spouse. You can do this. Here’s how. This week:

• Make a habit of noticing what’s happening with your spouse. Stop for 3 minutes each day to just play back the prior day and notice the actions and expressions your spouse shows. See if you can put a feeling word on what you see. Ask God to give you clues about what is happening with your spouse.
• As you cultivate that habit of noticing, listen for God’s nudge to stop in the middle of the day. Then do it. 
  • PS If you’re in too much of a hurry to stop for your spouse regularly, you might be in too much of a hurry.
• Ask a question. Something like, “It looks like you might be feeling _____. Can you tell me what’s going on?” Yes, you can use this Feeling Work Cheat Sheet if you’re stumped on the feeling word.
• Listen. Don’t solve. Just listen. Feel free to check for understanding, but don’t fall into the trap of having to fix anything. I know. This. Is. Hard.
• Tell your spouse you’re there for them. “I’m with you,” goes a long way.
• Let God’s peace flow from you to your spouse. While you can do this with words, you can also do it in silence through a simple touch.