August 29, 2020 by Ted 904

How To Know Whether You’re Making Progress As A Spouse

My friend and teacher, Trevor Hudson, once said, “The litmus test for your spiritual growth – your journey toward becoming more like Jesus – is whether you’re becoming more fun to live with.” Oof. Couldn’t the litmus test be...

July 25, 2020 by Ted 1702

Name Your Pattern

Our neighbor just got a puppy. Or to be precise, the 12-year-old boy in their house got a puppy which means the parents now have a dog to take care of, too. I met the puppy this morning. “His name is Ace,” my friend said. “Our 12-year-old named...

July 18, 2020 by Ted 952

Ask the Therapist: How NOT to have the same argument over and over and over…

Our friend, Pat, wrote a while back asking how a couple might catch themselves as a fight is starting and interrupt a conflict before it gets out of hand. I finally caught up with The Therapist to have a chat about that. ========================...

July 4, 2020 by Ted 1533

Games Couples Play, Part 3: Blink

Of all the games couples play, the most quiet is Blink. Unlike Fight Club, when both partners amp it up until the room gets super noisy – or Hide and Seek where there’s a lot of chasing – Blink happens when both partners...

June 28, 2020 by Ted 1598

Games Couples Play, Part 2: Hide and Seek

Of all the games couples play when they get out of sync, one of the most familiar is Hide and Seek. It goes like this: the couple experiences a triggering event in their day. Maybe one partner makes a bid for attention and the other one ignores...

June 20, 2020 by Ted 2594

Games Couples Play, Part I: Fight Club

Most Couples Have A Fight Pattern Have you ever been a witness to a rip roaring fight between a couple? Or maybe you’ve been involved in one yourself? If you ever wonder how two otherwise reasonable people can end up in a heated argument...

June 6, 2020 by Ted 818

Why Your Spouse Walks Out On Your Arguments

If you’re married to someone who can smell a fight coming and suddenly finds all kinds of reasons to catch up on organizing the garage – which you find SO ANNOYING – this one is for you. We’ve already talked about how all couples have...

May 30, 2020 by Ted 810

Why Your Spouse Really Yells At You

When I was a junior in college, I took a Red Cross lifesaving course as a PE class. Little did I know that learning how not to get drowned by a panicky swimmer would be great preparation for understanding how married couples respond to conflict...

May 25, 2020 by Ted 877

The With-God Replay

The With-God Replay is one of our favorite practices to help couples grow. This practice is a variation of an ancient exercise called the Daily Examen. It is designed to help us notice what God is doing in us by reviewing the last day or week or...

May 23, 2020 by Ted 897

Out of Sync

We don’t always live in beautifully connected circles as married couples. Sometimes, that circle can start to feel kind of stretched. Think back to a time you weren’t in sync with your spouse. One of you probably did or didn’t do something...

May 10, 2020 by Ted 853

Your Body Has An Early Warning System

Wouldn’t it be great if every married couple lived in a connected circle where openness and acceptance and other-centeredness ruled? All of the time? In endless bliss? Why, yes. That would be awesome. It would also be nice if men smelled like a...

May 3, 2020 by Ted 946

Who’s Your Marriage’s Biggest Fan?

Who is the human who loves you best? Father Michael came to visit our church a while ago. He’s a local Catholic priest who occasionally teaches our motley group of Protestants different ways to connect with God. It seems that Father Michael...