Love Gives

By: Ted Harro

This past spring, after so many months of COVID house arrest, I went back to traveling for business. As I’ve been in airports and on airplanes, I’ve noticed how easy it is to fall back into old patterns of interacting (or not) when in transit. 

Look around any airport gate and you’ll see almost everyone with heads down, on their phones. Once we board, most people stay to themselves, hidden behind a mask. I’ve even added noise-cancelling earbuds to my normal routine to insulate myself from the racket of people and machines. If my flight overlaps with my normal sleep time, I add one of those super geeky eye shades. Don’t judge.

Essential travel gear

I’m grateful for some of this buffering everyone does when we travel. I’m often tired and trying to manage my energy for the next thing. I can’t solve every problem on every airplane. 

But I have to wonder if we’ve gone too far, and if the same patterns don’t sometimes affect our closest relationships. Do I remember when I get home that Gretchen isn’t just a fellow traveler, but that she’s my best friend? Do I spend more time with my head sucked into a device, down the rabbit hole of some news article or Wikipedia entry I’m suddenly distracted by instead of lifting my gaze to her? Do I not only fail to notice, but also fail to offer help to those around me?

When I confuse home with an airplane…

Jesus shows us how to love by showing us how to serve. He doesn’t just notice others. He responds to them. He gives.

Perhaps the classic example of Jesus giving to others came near the end of his time on earth. You know the story in John 13. He was about to have his last meal with The Fellas. After a long day in the dusty Jerusalem streets, the gang gathered in the upper room.

Jesus must have noticed that when he came into the room, no one had offered to wash his feet – or anyone else’s feet for that matter. Perhaps Peter and John had forgotten to arrange for this detail. More likely, they simply thought it was beneath them and they couldn’t find anyone else to do it.

Jesus goes beyond noticing. Without fanfare, he assumes the role of the servant. He takes off his outer garments so that he looks like a servant. He gets the water and a towel. Then, he quietly gets on his knees and begins to work his way around the table. 

Maybe if I had been in the disciples’ shoes, I would have washed some feet. But I probably would have been pulling the hair on each guy’s legs or giving them a reproachful look or muttering under my breath. Maybe I would have slammed the bowl of water just enough to show my displeasure and to get Peter’s shoes wet. 

Whether I admit it or not, I’m too often competing to see if I can get more honor, more respect, more service from others.

Not Jesus. Yes, he’s teaching the disciples an important lesson, one which he says out loud after he has finished washing feet. But we have to see the heart of Jesus. He was also just doing this menial task because his friends needed it done.

That’s love. It serves. Not heroically, but quietly. 

What would that look like in our homes? Do you and your spouse compete to see who can get the most in your relationship? Or do you compete to see who can out-serve the other?

Two games: You get to choose.

Before we answer too quickly, maybe we should just do a mental tour around our houses and see what game we’re playing in each room.

• In the kitchen, do you take initiative to prepare or clean up meals without being asked? Do you cheerfully pitch in?
• In the living room, do you look for how you can make the space a place of peace and connection? Or do you retreat into your own world?
• In the bedroom, are you approaching intimacy with a me-first attitude, or are you focused on giving to your spouse?

Jesus shows us how to love by showing us how to serve.