Why Your Marriage Is Sacred

By: Ted Harro

What if you want connection not just because your brain is wired for it but because it’s who you were created to be? 

Psychologists tell us about our deep longing for connection in Attachment Theory. An evolutionary biologist might explain that desire by saying that connection gives humans and other primates an advantage over other species. Connection promotes pack behavior. Packs can handle the challenges of their environment better than individuals. If a big scary predator sneaks up on an individual, she might be toast. But put her in a pack, and she’ll feel more secure. That predator will think twice. 

The difference a pack makes

The Even Deeper Roots of Your Desire for Connection

But anyone who studies the Bible will realize that this desire for connection has even deeper roots. Jesus and his people teach that you’re made for connection because you’re made in God’s image. 

You’re probably thinking, “Huh? What does that really mean? And how does it affect my marriage? This is a marriage blog. Seriously. HOW DOES THIS HELP ME GET MY MARITAL BLISS?!?”

Fair. But stay with me. This is important.

Most of us don’t think about our pictures of God very much. But we have them. He might be a distant parent, a kindly grandpa, or demanding coach. 

For a fun exercise, take a minute and draw your real picture of God. Go ahead, I’ll wait. 

Me drawing God

That’s really hard, isn’t it? But Genesis 1 actually shows us a beautiful picture of God if we look a little closer. The Bible is really the story of God. In the curtain-raising chapter of the story, God is unveiled in subtle and surprising ways. 

First, God the Father comes right onto the scene. “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” Let’s think of God here as the Father.

Then, the Spirit enters. “The earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.”

And last, we see the Son show up. “And God said, “Let there be light…” God creates with a word. 

We have to be a little clever to hear the echo of one of Jesus’ best friends in this creation account. “In the beginning was the Word. And the Word was with God. The Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being.” John 1:1-3 (emphasis mine)

So within the first three verses of the creation story, the three-person God, aka the Trinity, has shown up. They’re all there in a circle, ready for what’s next. And what happens next is an explosion of creativity, and joy, and delight like the universe had never seen. It’s like the three-person God is in a whirling dance that cannot help throwing off generosity and genius. 

The jaw-dropping thing is that the dance hasn’t stopped. God the Father, Son, and Spirit keep dancing and creating and giving – to each other, and from the overflow to the whole universe. We see it with each exquisitely unique sunset and every glorious flower.

What’s Really at the Center of the Universe

So, at the center of the universe is not the earth, like the ancients thought. (Sorry, Aristotle.)

It’s not the sun, like the medievals thought. (Sorry, (kind of) Copernicus.)

It’s not an impersonal Force, like Luke Skywalker thought. (Sorry, Luke.) 

At the center of the universe is a circle. In that circle is a relationship; a living, breathing, dancing relationship that keeps creating and loving and serving. It’s a circle of deep connection.

So when the writers of the Bible say that we’re created in the image of God, part of what they mean is that like the three persons of the Trinity, we are meant to live in circles of life-giving relationship full of joy, creativity, and generosity. Attachment Theory simply describes something that’s true and encoded into us from the beginning of time by a Designer with our best interest in mind. 

Your Marriage Really Matters

Humans can get that connection in many different kinds of circles – families, churches, neighborhoods, workplaces. But for the married person, the marriage relationship is a primary circle to experience the satisfaction of that God-installed longing.

Hear this: Your marriage is more than a response to an evolutionary need, even if it provides you with security. Your marriage is more than a response to a hard-wired desire for connection. Your marriage is holy. It is a primary place for God to recreate one more example of a circle of connection that imitates and radiates the Self-giving Love at the center of the universe. 

Like a sumptuous sunrise or a delightful daisy, your marriage is another work of the Joyful Giver.  When you’re doing marriage work – circle work – you’re doing sacred work. You’re being who you were created to be.

Here’s something to try this week:

• Notice times you feel connected with your spouse. Especially focus on moments of self-giving love in your circle. They may be as small as a passing touch, a little favor, or a smile.
• Shoot a glance heavenward. Remind yourself that the Trinity is experiencing that same self-giving love in the circle. You’re getting a tiny sip of that joyful giving.
• Thank God for the sacredness of your marriage. In its splendid imperfection, it still reflects the joyful giving happening every moment at the center of the universe.